Day 17 in NICU
Today was a trying day for me. I have a lot of guilt and sadness going on and I'm super hormonal. I feel like I'm living a double life, maybe even a triple life. I have my two healthy happy toddlers at home, then a baby in the NICU over an hour away and then this life of pumping every 2-3 hours in my room. I feel like my brain is fried and I can hardly remember to eat at times. Wish I could be in three places at once.
I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning and when I finally did I felt like I was forcing myself, when all I really wanted to do is crawl back into bed and pretend this was all a dream.....But the reality is that it is actually real and I have to put on my big girl pants and count my blessings.
I am finding that days that I don't see Abby I struggle the most. Being able to see her, smell her and touch her tiny fingers makes a difference. I was hoping to see Abby around noon like I usually do but I was waiting for an appliance delivery from Sears and of course my 7-9am slot turned into a 3pm delivery time. Some days you feel like the world is against you I swear. So I didn't get to see Abby today and my mood reflected that.
At the end of the day we got a good report from Abby's nurse. She isn't 2 lbs yet but she will be soon. No news is good news. I prayed hard today and tomorrow will be a better day!
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| 3pm delivery....so frustrating |
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